Christmas isn’t just a time of good cheer and family values. It’s also a time of opportunity, especially for husbands and wives engaged in extra-marital affairs, and for those who are trying to catch out secret lovers.
Take the office party, for example. A small survey by a large restaurant chain revealed that around a quarter of all office workers questioned had kissed a colleague at a Christmas party. That’s a lot of people. The beery, giggly kiss under the mistletoe can have reaching effects, and poor judgement fuelled by drink and even drugs can lead to sexy situations which get out of control quite quickly.
There’s the additional factor that a person may find he or she spends more hours of the day with work colleagues than with family. Initially innocent relationships with co-workers can build on a daily basis, until they are given a relaxing opportunity such as a Christmas party to come to fruition. Even partners who wouldn’t normally even dream of infidelity, may find themselves in a foolishly compromising situation at an annual workplace party.
Those who are already engaged in an affair may use Christmas as a great excuse for wining and dining their lovers. The office Christmas party and drinks after work offer great chances to enjoy the company of a lover without anyone blinking, and they can even present themselves as good excuses to go meet a lover at an alternative location without being involved in the actual Christmas event. However, it’s worth bearing in mind that it’s also an even better time to catch them at it.
Evidence of a simple kind, such as credit card bills, receipts, phone records, and indiscreet text messages can present the suspicious spouse with the chance to bring up their fears and discuss everything in the open, and talking about mistrust and the reasons behind it can sometimes be enough to rejuvenate the relationship. On the other hand, it may lead to confrontation. Healthy relationships sometimes need this to get to a new and better level, so again, there’s nothing wrong with voicing suspicions based on a small amount of circumstantial evidence.
The real problems start when evidence continues to accumulate, and yet the apparently unfaithful partner still refutes it. At this point, it’s recommended that both partners attend some kind of marriage guidance or counselling, to try to get to the bottom of the situation. Suspicions are not always grounded in reality.
If direct communication and mediation both fail, a private investigator may be the next step, particularly if separation and divorce are on the cards. They can procure hard evidence through discreet surveillance, which can be used in court during divorce proceedings. Investigation firms recommend that suspicious spouses should not try to do this themselves, because with all the emotions involved there’s a very high chance they may do something they later regret, and which can be used against them in a court.
Christmas is great for private investigators
Queries about private investigation work tend to increase at Christmas time. The pressure of this traditionally happy family time can mount up and if a husband or wife already has suspicions about their other half, the stress of Christmas can lead to a lot of uncertainty and insecurity. Most reputable investigation firms will recommend the above two ways of dealing with these fears, before agreeing to assist.
The best news is that investigation firms find Christmas an easier time to work than any other. Undercover investigators can blend in with the crowd at the parties and bars where festive drinks take place, and people tend to be more welcoming to strangers at this time of year.
The evidence which can lead to exposure of an affair also becomes more plentiful during the holiday season. Copious quantities of drink leads to loss of inhibitions and discretion can fall by the wayside. Affairs which were quietly ticking away all year can come to light unexpectedly in this way, and in some cases, even co-workers may become allies to cheated wives and husbands.
The pressure at Christmas to show that you love someone applies to secret relationships as well as the bona fide ones, and gifts provide good paper trails of evidence. Not only that, but the adulterous spouse may find that he or she is required to spend time with their lover, as well as with their family, and this can be extremely telling, especially if an investigator is there to see it happen.
Does a one-off mean the end?
It’s important to remember that a one-off opportunist liaison doesn’t necessarily mean that the cheating partner doesn’t love their legitimate other half. How well a single indiscretion can be swallowed depends on the people involved, how secure or insecure they are, and whether or not they feel they can trust their partner again.
A different survey discovered that many extra-marital affairs are conducted with someone that the cheater feels is less attractive than their spurned spouse. Not only that, they also found that the cheat often compares the spouse favourably with the other person, finding their wife or husband to be better in bed, better at cooking, more interesting … the list goes on.
What to do if you think your spouse is playing away on a regular basis
The order of play if suspicions appear to be correct is to start by talking about it, and addressing the fears head on. This doesn’t have to be confrontational, but it does have to be honest.
If honesty is not apparently the first priority for the suspected adulterer, the next step for the jilted partner is to attempt some kind of mediation with a relationship counsellor.
Employing a private investigator obviously cost money but can be extremely effective, and good investigation agencies should recommend themselves as being the last resort in a suspicious situation. Investigation of a spouse can lead to finding out that they are, in fact, faithful, and could put an end to those feelings of insecurity that pop out at Christmas. On the other hand, it could ensure the smooth running of divorce proceedings in the favour of the jilted partner.